Translated by Emi Donald
[คลิกที่นี่เพื่ออ่าน “วิวาทะ “ประสบกาม” เกย์ บนหน้านิตยสาร Guy” เป็นภาษาไทย]
What will it take for Thailand to truly accept gay people? Accept without “but you already have it so much better” and other butts? Accept without “as long as you are a good person” and other as long asses? Accept without seeking to confirm one’s progressive virtue? Accept without sanitizing the messy reality of gay sexuality?
Gay commercial success and visibility in the media has not translated to sympathy and understanding in the legal system—it has, in fact, had the opposite effect, as happened in the obscenity case against Ekkachai Hongkangwan, not to mention the Constitutional Court’s decision on the definition of marriage last year.
Looking back three decades will throw the conundrum of gay acceptance into high relief. In 1991, Guy Magazine, a “magazine for a man who does not deny himself,” was launched as an alternative to Thai gay magazines flourishing at the time. As a compromise, Guy featured male models in the nude like other magazines, but the nudes were intended to be more tasteful than titillating. It did publish erotic stories, but of a more literary or educational bent. In short, Guy strove for the edification of Thai gay men. Still, its first issue was confiscated in the hundreds for being considered an obscene publication, according to the beleaguered editor’s note on Volume 3.
The desire to guide a persecuted demographic to a respectable path can be so strong that it crosses the line into denigrating that demographic for what it has come to desire. (What’s the point of attacking repressed men for wanting a lot of sex with men? Or dispossessed people for wanting a lot of money?) This rather bassackwards strategy for societal acceptance is most evident in the Volume 4 essay “‘Sexperiences’: The Sugar-Coated Poison Pill” by Thongrop Jinanthuya, which rails against readers, writers, and publishers of gay erotica.
In response, Guy Magazine’s letters section became a sanam ratsadon where people engaged in the contest over the meaning of gay identity and the place of homoerotic fluff in a publication of substance. Our selections include eight letters to the editor in subsequent volumes: “Should Not Attack Others,” “I Want to Applaud You,” “Better Give Up Your Ideals,” “Find Yourself a Mirror,” “I Want It Very, Very Revealing,” “A Letter to the Readers from Pachara N. Nakorn,” “Is Idealism Dead?” and “A Letter from Arun Rojarate.” These titles illustrate the variety of responses to the anti-erotica essay and to the editor’s request for feedback to his ideal of a gay magazine without nudes.
Our selections end with “On the Road of Loneliness” by Doctor Klang, who subverts homoerotica by lacing it with a sobering moral lesson. Calling the story a “sex essay,” Doctor Klang demonstrates that gay-themed entertainment doesn’t negate substance (Thai jurists, take note). While the sex essay ultimately reinscribes the idea that homosexual hookups are poisonous—“the warm tingling pleasure he had felt that night stirred in him again as a cold tingling fear”—a reasonably sensitive gay reader may also get an accidental tingle in the loins!
Volume 4 (1991, undated)
Essay (pages 90-92)
‘Sexperiences’: The Sugar-Coated Poison Pill
By Thongrop Jinanthuya
If you ask the devoted fans of various gay magazines that are being sold all over the place, which column do they like best? Believe me, hundreds would probably answer in unison, “Sexperiences, of course!” The editors of this kind of magazine seize upon this point by publishing more and more of these columns, all with different names, using them as the sweet, sugary bait to lure readers in, and instantly increase the magazine’s distribution, of course.
Just try opening the column “Memorable Experiences” in one of the gay magazines. It reads: “I kissed his neck and earlobe, slowly moving further and further down until I reached P’Kai’s large shaft. I held it in my hand, caressing it gently. I kissed around the black silk and under his rambutans I used my teeth to nibble him, gently, and then wrapped my tongue all the way around P’Kai’s shaft, so big and long that it couldn’t be fully swallowed up. P’Kai moaned and groaned senselessly, his behind floated upwards, his shaft moved faster, in and out, my mouth sliding up and down quicker and quicker, until I heard a low rumbling sound. P’Kai sped up for a moment and went tense, pressing my head tightly, then his love venom spurted forcefully into my throat.”
How about the language and the imagination evoked here? Probably titillates your every pore, doesn’t it? Some might admire it as “art” that strikes at the core of desire. Others may see it as harmful “smut.” To settle the matter, we must open the 1982 Dictionary to the word “obscene,” meaning indecent, degrading, shameful, freakish, smutty, disgusting, and repulsive to others in moral-aesthetic terms. Let’s see how these criteria might apply to these writings.
An example from the column “In the Memory” reads as follows: “Our lips joined; the tips of our tongues tangled together in our mouths. I slid down to the crook of his neck, to his nipples, then finally paused at the bulging area covered in pitch-black grass. Frantically, I licked and sucked his dragon. My hands were also fully occupied by his big balls. As I fondled them back and forth, his quivering voice said he’s too horny, he wanted me to go faster. I sped up to a super fast rhythm, then he pushed his dragon almost to my windpipe and let his love liquid gush into my throat.”
Or from the column “The Pentagon Room.” One passage reads: “Only then, the dragon, which was large and long, raised its red neck and bulbous head. I stroked it playfully. P’Tee started moaning but he was too drunk to do anything about it. I kept playing with it until some lubricating fluid came out, so I used my lips to kiss and lick around the dragon’s head. P’Tee moaned louder, shaking his hips back and forth. So I put the dragon in my mouth but only halfway because it was so big and long that it filled up my whole mouth. I managed to stroke the dragon rapidly up and down with my mouth.”
At this point, can we say for sure if this writing is artistic or obscene? If there is still some doubt, we may have to refer to Professor Ari Sutthiphan, an art scholar who distinguishes artwork and obscenity as follows:
- Artwork promotes Buddhist wisdom. Obscenity does not promote morality.
- Artwork contains a past, a present, and a future, but obscenity is only concerned with the feeling of that moment, in a mere instant.
- Artwork appreciates in value over time, as opposed to obscenity which carries only temporary value.
- Artwork is created for satisfaction and fulfillment within the existing social and moral framework, whereas obscenity is produced mainly for financial gain.
It is not that uncommon for literary works to mention sex and sexual intercourse, since in the past we’ve likely read literary classics with erotic interludes (bot atsajan). But these are surely not as brazen as the Sexperience columns. Try picking up the Tale of Phra Chai Suriya, composed by the master Sunthorn Phu:
The two fornicated
The world’s elements trembled
They awoke depleted and feeble
They could barely stumble on
Having read that, you probably feel, as I do, that it’s so very far removed from the sexual passages of the Sexperience columns. And if stories of such excessive smut fell into the hands of youth who are naturally intrigued and enticed by provocative and sexually arousing writings, then curiosity may turn into imitating behaviors. In this respect, psychologist Dr. Wanlop Piyamanotham gave an interview with Thai Rath newspaper on Saturday, 7 September 1991, “Findings show that 5% of men are homosexuals due to social deterioration and deviance. Gay publications encourage imitation in children. Thailand’s number of gay bars is third only to the United States and the Netherlands.”
Someone once stated that if you want to know someone’s personal tastes, look at the books they read. So, try looking back to the stories about sexual experiences that appear in almost every magazine—this itself is a denouncement of gay society for being obsessed with sex, having nothing else in the brain, no sign of development or evolution, simply complacent with staring at the “garbage heap.” With this, the reputation of gay men will continue to fall behind as the surrounding social systems change and progress.
I am thus pleading with astute magazine editors to reduce the quantity of provocative and intoxicating columns on sexual experiences or remove these columns altogether. While they might make for an attractive income, the editors must be firmly aware that they are handing their readers a sugar-coated poison pill. As for the authors of this sexual content, Vasan Sitthikhet is of the view that they are people of sin and deserve to be punished by being condemned to hell: “Authors of stories of carnal pleasure commit sin by deceiving people into enduring the abyss of passion and clinging to petty nonsense as if it was of the essence. These sinners will surely have their skulls chiseled open to deposit hot coals, so the brain bubbles, liquefies, boils, and roils painfully.”
At this point I must then ask the readers, are you still willing to swallow this poison pill and impair your brain?
Volume 5 (January 1992?)
Letters (pages 125-129)
Should Not Attack Others
Hello Khun Chuleemon
From the 1st to the 4th issue, I think that Guy Magazine has proven itself to be a genuine gay magazine for genuine gays.
From my perspective as a gay person, something I want from this publication is advice for my gay way of life to be on the correct path and not contrary to social norms, which this magazine is able to provide.
I agree with the decision to not have a column for sexual stimulation in this magazine. But I do not agree with Mr. Thongrop Jinanthuya’s article “‘Sexperiences’: The Sugar-Coated Poison Pill.” Sure, reading those stories will evoke crude feelings and make someone obsessed with sex, no substance in that, but this very substancelessness leads to substance, because there are also articles about personality development, lifestyle, and many interesting news stories. You can’t “attack” other publications just because they have that particular type of column. You should also look more in depth at what is there. That is only my opinion, Khun Thongrop, I hope you don’t mind.
Khun Chuleemon’s ideal magazine is the ideal magazine for me as well. I am very glad that we have people like you making these magazines. I think even if you cut out the nudes I will still follow the magazine. I’d like to end with this: when you eliminate the “selling point” that means “no sale.” When you don’t sell then how will the “buying” even happen?
I want to see good magazines like this one stay forever.
- I certainly did not mean to attack anyone. What Khun Thongrop wrote is his personal opinion and when he saw that my magazine is relevant for the article, he sent it privately. As for me, what gay publications do is their business, no matter what obscene stories they publish. I’m not in a position to ban anyone. But I have noticed something: for those who include a lot of pornographic stories in what they publish, it usually suggests the contents of their hearts.
I Want to Applaud You[r Ass –trans.]
To Khun Chuleemon
I agree with your mission to make gay magazines more creative and not focused only on sex. I agree because you could’ve easily done what the other gay magazines on the newsstands are doing, but you wanted yours to break the mold. I want to give you a round of applause! Otherwise, the big book shops would not dare put your magazine on display. It is great that I can even find your magazine at the book shops in the bigger malls, because sellers know that the magazine has little to no negative impact on their shelves. Compared to the other gay magazines, if their quality was good, they would’ve been featured on the shelves long ago. It’s because some prioritize sales too much without considering the customs of the Thai people, which uphold the essential national values that these things should not be so graphic.
Your magazine is slow to come out, but it is quality. By quality I don’t mean that the book or the models sell well. But I mean that the quality of your content elevates people’s minds to a higher level.
To be frank, your book is suited to intellectuals and more rational readers. I would also say your book clearly taps into the most discerning consumer groups, as the magazine is suitable for businessmen, those with good taste, and those with a high mind. Just the examples I’ve given of the consumer groups already guarantee your income, because they have a high wage and are quite numerous. You don’t have to sit and fret about your number of sales. If you set out to do something, then do it. At least it’s your true mission. I believe everyone would want to change their lifestyle in some way, not be stuck in the same old place. Likewise, I want this publication to come with an unusual look, too.
As for the columns, I would like to make the following suggestions.
Nude pictures do not need to be cut out altogether, because then it wouldn’t be a complete gay magazine. There would be too much writing, becoming a documentary magazine, even, and it will veer from its purpose.
People buy it because they need both substance and fluff—and nude pictures are that fluff. I want pictures of men without shirts, so that it shows off their bodies, but they should be wearing shorts instead of being fully nude, and the shorts shouldn’t be the kind that are too revealing. It looks inappropriate. And two models should not be posing together in a way that is suggestive, but maybe you could do a photoshoot of the models as friends, going fishing and camping and playing sports together. Something like this might be more pleasing to the eye than solo pics.
It’s good that there are no gay bar mentions in the magazine, but you should recommend different places to exercise. I’d like to see interviews with only gay men. These are very relatable because it’s who we are. Interviews with [straight] men are useless. But let’s not have interviews with effeminate types, I think that’s unsuitable for the magazine. You should interview professional people in society from all different sectors. Like Thai Airways (stewards), famous marketers, accountants, lawyers, ambassadors, hospitality professionals, and business owners. I want to see them answer questions about how they manage their career with being gay. Does being gay complement or conflict with their professional life? But don’t ask too many personal questions. They should be asked what they’ve encountered on their path to success, so that there can be some guidelines for other gays to follow.
Okay, I’ll be here to support you always.
A Young Market Analyst
- I also want to hear the applause! Now I have concluded that we will continue to have nudes, though we will try to steer the content away from pornography as much as possible. If people don’t buy it because there isn’t enough porn to read, I don’t know what to say to that!
- As for your advice, I will take it on board.
Better Give Up Your Ideals
Dear Editor of GUY
First of all, I must say that I only bought the 1st and 4th issues of your magazine. The 1st issue I bought because it was the newcomer, so I was curious to see the new look. But when I read it, I wasn’t that impressed. It’s good that it broke the mold by featuring foreign models. I bought the 4th issue because I liked the model.
I think now you ought to give up your ideals, it’ll only make you lose money. Better to just turn around and follow the market, because the foreign models you feature already put you far ahead of the competition. It doesn’t matter if there isn’t a Sexperiences column. Put more short stories in, dreamy stories are okay, not melodramas. Let’s find some content from our neighbors, like Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Hong Kong, and print some stuff in English.
- You tell me to give up my ideals. You’d be better off telling me to stop eating. Those who don’t care too much about money and are not too selfish surely must have ideals. I’ve said from the beginning that if I were to become rich by knowingly doing bad (mai dee mai ngam) things, then it is better to stay poor. Trust me on one thing: people who care only about money are certainly no happier than me!
Volume 6 (February 1992?)
Letters (pages 125 and 129)
Find Yourself a Mirror
Some Advice for GUY
For this kind of publication, the heart lies in the nude pictures and the erotica; substance and knowledge follow behind them. If you exclude the most important thing, the nudes, the magazine will immediately be uninteresting because knowledge can be found and studied in other magazines of the genre and elsewhere. And erotica is second in importance. Even though the writer Thongrop Jinanthuya calls it a sugar-coated poison pill and disapproves of such things, that is just his opinion. He thinks it is a bad thing for himself, but he is not most people. And this author even insulted the readers of the erotic columns, saying (“[they are] obsessed with sex, having nothing else in the brain, no sign of development or evolution, simply complacent with staring at the “garbage heap”) which is very insulting to the reader. I would like to know where his own mind has developed. Or has he achieved success in both worldly matters and the Dhamma? Or is he an arhat, a eunuch, or a bhikkhuni, and therefore cannot see it in his own shadow? If he can cut himself off from sex, fine, but if that is so, he’s essentially saying (he who defecates proceeds to stoop to eat his own excrement). Even if he didn’t write it himself and was just imitating others, it shouldn’t be said or written at all, because the act of reading gay erotica is popular among gay people and most people in general and it is everyone’s personal right to be content to read it. And whether people’s brains develop or not isn’t about this matter alone. Everything in this world has many components. If this writer is going to write against the genre, then I suggest he stop and go ordain. Don’t mess with this world by mixing everything up. He wasted his brain thinking he’d already developed above everyone else but, sorry to say, he should find himself a mirror to see his own reflection.
So, I say to the editors of GUY magazine that, frankly, if you don’t publish any nudes or things like that, even if the remaining content is superb, I will not be buying it. There has to be a combination of content for it to be interesting. I can only offer this advice. It’s up to you which direction to take that will bring knowledge, entertainment, and sex together with market sales.
With love and sincerity for new publications like yours
- I would also like to tell you that, frankly, please go buy Morakot Magazine and read that. Don’t pay attention to my magazine.
I Want It Very, Very Revealing
What I want to see in this magazine is this, I want the model of every issue to show us the proportions of his shaft, the black hairy bush around the groin area, and reveal everything crystal clear. I like the model from the 4th issue, so hairy, not at all boring to look at. And the more I look, the more I like what I see. I want every magazine, every issue to reveal every part of the body. I assure you the GUY magazine will sell well. I would buy every issue available. I’ll buy it no matter the price.
- Don’t forget that you live in Thailand, ok? No one here can do as you request.
|For Your Thoughts|
“Today, our entire environment—our reading, our thinking, out social behavior—is generally calculated to subserve and cater for the sex urge. To break through its coils is no easy task. But it is a task worthy of our highest endeavor.”1
From the book To Students, collected and translated by Karuna-Ruangurai Kusalasai
 M. K. Gandhi, To Students, ed., Bharatan Kumarappa (Ahmedabad: Navajivan Publishing House, 1953), accessed at https://www.mkgandhi.org/ebks/to-students.pdf, pg. 44. –trans.
Volume 8 (April 1992)
Letters (pages 125-128)
A Letter to the Readers from Pachara N. Nakorn
I have never written a letter to the readers because I want everyone who writes in to be part of the talk with the Editor. But when I read Khun Naruecha Pan’s letter in GUY’s 6th issue, I couldn’t stand it. I want to vent so everyone knows how I feel. Initially, I got on board with GUY magazine just to have a bit of fun. But what resulted was that we must break from current trends on the shelves, and so we went with foreign models.
For GUY’s 1st issue, I met the model at the Dusit Thani hotel. He went to the gym and I approached and was successful, so I took his pictures. Everyone was a newbie but it all went smoothly. Lots of letters came in and I got attacked for allegedly taking other people’s pictures from abroad and putting them in the magazine.
For GUY #2, I tried to find a model from abroad again, this time from Vietnam. Now I was accused of actually using a Thai model, but I couldn’t stop people from running their mouths. As for the complaint that his butt looked like a laborer’s [a letter complained that the Vietnamese model’s butt area was dark and dirty like a construction worker’s], I want to say that no one can be perfect in every way. I tried my best to get the job done flawlessly.
GUY #3, the model was called a nelly. I’d like to say that this model had just married a Thai woman and was a real [straight] man. Who would want to photograph gays for other gays to see? I admit, I myself am gay. I wouldn’t be so senseless as to bring girly gays to a photoshoot, would I?
Photo selection also played a part because we have many restrictions on printing in our homeland, something you, Editor, probably know all too well, to the point where you contemplated quitting. I think the Editor could not abandon the readers, so he continued to fight. I fought with all my might despite feeling deflated by the laws of the country. Actually, my day job is stable with a good salary, but there was encouragement from the readers, so I continued to fight.
GUY’s 4th edition still had the usual restrictions on the selection of images because we were afraid of being an obscene publication. But the set of X-clusive images supplementing that issue broke all previous sales records. Personally, I like this model in terms of personality [as well as looks]. But I can assure you that none of the photography staff, including the photographer, make-up artist, and myself, had sex with the model. We learned that working with foreigners requires punctuality and respect for the work.
GUY #5, I wanted to escape the monotony, so I used a mannequin-like, thin-figured model. I was scolded anyway, but what can I do, I wanted to find variety for the readers. I wasn’t content stomping up and down on the spot but wanted to continue developing, and I wanted readers to sympathize with that.
GUY #6, I said that for this model I would give him all the stars from the sky. I began using black and white photography because we wanted it to be in line with foreign popular trends. Something that is certainly a positive sign is that the Editor is daring enough to propose more full body modeling now, which I think will satisfy the readers on another level.
In GUY #7, I learned from experience that the readers of GUY have a weakness for muscley models, so I presented a model with muscles like the model from issue #4, and you weren’t disappointed, right?
I want to inform the reader that I have no intention of growing rich in this profession, but my heart follows the idea that the show must go on. I can’t abandon you guys. As long as we still have love and affection for each other. Let the other magazines work with Thai models. I find myself more challenged when working with foreign models, because I want to break from the mold of other magazines. I promise to try and learn from this as much as I can. Because there’s nobody who doesn’t make mistakes, except the one who chooses to do nothing.
I ask the Editor and the readers to please understand my feelings. I feel better now, at least, and will sleep soundly.
Love to all the readers
Pachara N. Nakorn
- I published this letter because I saw that Khun Pachara, a member of our management team, wanted to talk with the readers. Personally, I understand best of all. It takes a lot of courting to get each model on the cover. It’s not an easy task for anyone to pull off. Anyone who wants to send encouragement to him, please send a letter directly to GUY MAGAZINE.
Is Idealism Dead?
With a firm intention to hopefully make GUY MAGAZINE a publication for true gays, I reiterate my reluctance to accept a GOSSIP column in GUY for all the reasons mentioned before. Despite how degraded the other sexes might be, do the gays really think it right to inculcate this rotten habit among their own kind?
I read the Sunday Snacks column by Cattleya (published 9 February 1992) and I was sorry and dismayed. If you are someone who is gay, why must you behave like a freak? Gay people, honestly ask yourselves, do you want other humans to fully accept you? To fully accept that the essence of being gay is about the human being that arises, exists, changes, and disappears. Or do you only want superficial acceptance, while still being seen as reckless and, in the end, after fame dies down, unnatural monsters like in the beginning?
If you haven’t read this article yet, go read it. But at least you’re in the inner circle and probably know something about this. If you think that kind of self-expression is a good thing, then don’t expect a new era of gay men, an era of social acceptance, an era of social equality, unless all humans in this world will all mutate to become like their kind. Actually, the self-expression of all the high-society gays doesn’t bother my head, my body, or my feet that much. But it’s like one rotten fish that makes the whole barrel rotten. And in this case, it’s more than one fish that’s rotten. Looks like we can’t clean ourselves up anymore.
In the past, anyone seen by society as a sex deviant was shameful and would be well-behaved. Flash forward to today and there is more independence to show yourself off, so what has been repressed explodes into debauchery. Or are you going to say that this is daring and free and the mark of equality? How wretched.
I am complaining to you as someone who wants to see everything develop in a good direction. Oh, there’s another matter to talk about.
Well, you want GUY to be a magazine for a new generation of gay men not obsessed with sex, but how come your behavior is to scold while still winking permissively? Or do you consider idealism to be dead? Let’s go back and read GUY issue 6, page 106, the column Behind the Camera, and find out what it’s hinting at. Given that you don’t care about Sexperiences or whatever, then there’s no reason to do all that advertising for the X-tra X-clusive pictures. There’s nothing to be concerned about. If you want to make a nude magazine, go for it, it’ll sell for sure. But if it’s quality you want, then don’t worry too much about the nudes. Anyone looking for pictures of men with their clothes off twisting every which way can go buy another magazine. There’s no shortage.
Given that everyone says that we are halfway, stuck in the middle, then don’t do anything halfway any longer. Please don’t take offense at my complaints. If this annoys you too much, say we must part company and I won’t speak, I will not say another word.
I hope that one day soon, GUY will grow up to be a true gay magazine, one that lets the world know that gay is gay, it’s not tutsies and fems and nellies. Let them know that gays are not unnatural freaks, let them know that we are just ourselves. We don’t need theories to describe it. On that day, GUY MAGAZINE might actually be able to call itself GAY MAGAZINE with pride. And when you specify your sex/gender in any documents, you can confidently fill it with “gay”….amen.
- One day I will achieve the kind of magazine that you want. And thank you for the fiery warning, I can take it.
Volume 9 (May 1992)
Letters (page 127)
A Letter from Arun Rojarate
Ban Suan Sakuna
Dearest Editor of GUY
It is with gratitude that I thank you for letting me know that reader after reader has written supportive fan mail for “Worthless Libido,” with interest in following the work of Arun Rojarate. This is an extremely kind reward that an author (whichever one) may receive and I will feel proud, happy, and fulfilled about it for a long time. I once found myself reading something written by a reader, just 2-3 sentences. I read and recited it until it stuck in my mind. I didn’t expect that such a small piece still had so much value for the reader. It shows that readers understand and read with minute care.
I am a writer who can only work within the narrow sphere of experience. I stay close to my own emotions and story without being able to create characters from my imagination… to leap off the page. This is my blind spot. Therefore, the stories I’ve written concern things that passed into my life. I’ve written almost all of it out. It is difficult to extract and filter quickly. I try to grasp around and build my imagination but it’s too much for me to force it. I am not being discouraged or humble. It’s a true feeling that I want to describe. I feel that now my work has been published, and it has been admired, so I will have to continue writing better and better. It can’t be of inferior quality. I won’t ever accept slipshod work.
But what I would like to add to the compliments to GUY is that I like the “Lost Notes of Travelers” “SEX ESSAYS” written by Doctor Klang in that strange style that’s so readable. The Editor could probably have the Doc write an erotic story, it’ll probably go swimmingly. COLLECTIONS is a good fit, as there is a wide variety to learn about. I like the TRAVEL writing if it’s not too long, because it could clash with travel books on the shelves. The last thing to compliment the book for is its suitably readable layout.
Well, I wasn’t going to voice any criticism. But since I’m writing you already, why not tell you that too. As GUY has its ideals set, it shouldn’t make snide comments about other magazines which have the erotica columns. If you want to be unconventional you should do so while being gracious in manner and careful in “speech,” in my humble opinion. Reading is a fun leisure activity. I know all about good writing and bad writing, but I want to read for enjoyment, I don’t zero in on things to get offended by. Hopefully GUY will grow up. Be an adult, an elegant adult in gay style!
Thinking of you.
- I never thought of slandering anyone. I only said honestly that gay publications as they’re being made nowadays encourage people to be promiscuous, encourage gays to be obsessed with sex, and excessively push people to buy porn videos.
Sex Essay (pages 67-69)
On the Road of Loneliness
By Doctor Klang
On the Road of Worldliness, as it has been known to Bangkokians for many years, Anuwat walked out of a bar at 2 a.m. in the morning of a new day, a little dizzy but still conscious enough to steady himself and walk down the road. People were still out and about. Many young men lingered and sat at the base of trees and electrical poles. They looked around to make eye contact with their prey, drawing them in with their gorgeous bodies. Anuwat walked at a leisurely pace, but in fact his inner emotional state was hot as fire, the fire of sensual longings. He was lonely and wanted someone to keep him company that night. He knew his own mind well. If this desire was not satisfied, he would suffer. So, he would have to find someone tonight.
It was the end of the road and Anuwat’s gaze was met by a pair of inviting eyes belonging to a tall, broad-shouldered young man, handsome and polite. He smiled at Anuwat, twitching the corners of his mouth. Anuwat felt warmed by the greeting, which each man knew the meaning behind. It gave him the courage to walk up close and talk with him. He knew full well that here, a warm greeting from a handsome young stranger would probably lead to trading in the services of lust. But Anuwat said to himself, tonight, I am lonely and longing for a partner, even if I have to exchange money to quench my desires.
Anuwat returned to the apartment with the young man after having talked and reached a satisfactory agreement at the end of the road. The carnal song began with hugs and kisses and bodily caresses. Then the clothes came off to reveal the shape and build of both men. Anuwat admired the young stranger’s physique, so firm and well-proportioned that he could hardly contain himself. He kissed along the young man’s neck, down to his chest, and still further down his belly, lingering over his beautiful, bulging prince, large and firm. He used his tongue to lightly lick him. He stayed there for a long time before he decided to let the prince disappear into his throat. The rhythmic ups and downs of Anuwat’s mouth brought the young man full-bodied excitement and satisfaction. They continued for a long time, both enraptured, until the spasms signaled a warning and Anuwat quickly withdrew the Little Prince from his mouth. Seeing the white love juice spill out over the young man’s abs, Anuwat wanted to drink and lap it up, but he had learned of the AIDS epidemic from listening to the news, which made him suppress that desire. Then the young man slid down Anuwat’s belly and, with the same motions, made Anuwat hot and bothered with sensual desire. Suddenly his arousal soared to the highest peak and released as Anuwat’s love juice rushed out.
It was already late on that morning. The young man had left, taking with him several hundred Baht that Anuwat had stuffed into the handsome stranger’s pocket. Anuwat’s only regret was that he had been too tired to mount another carnal song before he left. Anuwat went about his daily tasks but felt that his throat was unusually sore, to the point that he needed water from the fridge. He drank a large glass. That afternoon, he still felt parched and sore. He hurried to find a lozenge to cure his symptoms. On the following morning, Anuwat woke with a slight fever and a very sore throat. He thought he might have caught a cold from being out in the rain the previous night. He took 2 cold tablets and rushed to work. He worked uneasily, because he felt something burning and stabbing in his throat whenever he swallowed. He rushed to the bathroom, opened his mouth to inspect his throat, but saw nothing except some red inflammation. When leaving work, his symptoms had not improved. Anuwat decided to go to the doctor at a clinic near his house to report symptoms of a fever and sore throat. The doctor examined him and said his tonsils were red and slightly inflamed and provided doses of fever and anti-inflammatory medication. Anuwat returned home and took the medicine as prescribed for the next 2 days. He missed a day of work. His throat became more severe. It was unlike any sore throat he had experienced before. The fever was not so bad but the stabbing pain in his throat and the sharp stinging whenever he swallowed food or water felt like torture. Anuwat suspected that the doctor may not have prescribed the correct medicine for whatever this disease was, so he went back to the clinic the next evening. When the doctor inspected the inside of Anuwat’s mouth with a flashlight, he said there was a patch of white pus on his tonsils. He scraped a sample of the pus for tests and found that it was infected with gonorrhea. Anuwat’s heart sank to the balls of his feet upon hearing the doctor’s words. He felt as though lightning bolts were flying all around him, flashing into his conscience.
“How is that possible?” Anuwat thought to himself, “and why did this happen to me?”
The doctor looked into Anuwat’s pale face and asked in a gentle, warm tone so that he would not cause embarrassment, “have you had sexual relations involving your mouth at all? There is no need to be embarrassed.”
Anuwat immediately remembered the young stranger at the end of the road those few nights ago and the memorable images of events in the bedroom. He wanted to burst out crying and for everything around him to freeze. He was mortified, but the doctor seemed sympathetic, which made Anuwat confide in the doctor that he was gay and had had oral sex a few days ago.
The doctor explained, “Not to worry. Next time, if you develop symptoms and you’re unsure whether they came from having sex, don’t be concerned about being gay or straight or whatever. Just please tell me straight away, as soon as it starts, so that I can diagnose the condition quickly and correctly, and you won’t have to suffer for days like this. You don’t need to be ashamed in front of a doctor.”
The doctor prescribed a course of medicine and said that, provided the infection was not resistant to the drugs, the symptoms should clear up quickly. Anuwat was told to drink plenty of water and to come back if symptoms didn’t improve in 1-2 days, and that he could come back the following day if he wasn’t sure about something.
The next day, Anuwat’s sore throat was much better, and he was able to swallow without pain. He tried drinking some water and it felt good. He inspected his throat in the mirror and saw that there was still redness and some pus spots. Anuwat returned to the doctor to request another course of medicine. At first, the doctor said it was not necessary, but seeing that Anuwat’s throat still had some red patches, the doctor ordered another set of pills. The sore throat gradually subsided and disappeared in the following days. Anuwat believed himself very lucky to have rid his body of the disease. Then he thought back to a few nights ago, and the warm tingling pleasure he had felt that night stirred in him again as a cold tingling fear.
Tonight, out on the Road of Loneliness, there are still many who long for what they are missing, for sexual arousal and to fulfil their desires. Everyone is trying to reach out in order to quench their thirsts. But do they know that what they are filling up with is probably poisonous?
This is the cautionary tale of Anuwat. Will the others who tread this path learn something from it?
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